Are you a single Christian and looking for a mate? The Bible provides a great example of how to do this in the story of Isaac and Rebecca. The principles they employed worked very well for them and they can work for you as well. If you believe God’s ways are higher than man’s ways, then I highly encourage single believers to give them a look. They can really help you beat the odds and end up in a wonderful Christian relationship that will stand the test of time.
Principle 1- Being the Right Person
All marriages depend upon righteousness for success. Myriads of people who get married out of sheer attraction and then divorce always do so due to unrighteousness on the part of one or two people- without exception! Your future marriage will always include you. So the key to having any great relationship always begins with you. A marriage to a near perfect person can always fail due to one’s personal shortcomings and sin. If you wish to have good marriage, you always have to begin with changing yourself. If God gave you to someone, would you be a blessing to them? Would they thank God for giving you to them? God told Abraham that He would make his name great and that He would be a blessing (Gen 12:1-2). His Son Isaac who was 40 years old at the time He would marry; He had already been trained in his Fathers ways and had already been tested in regards to surrendering to God’s will. Love and Respect are not alms or charity but rather tribute given to the worthy. The only way to make someone love or respect you, is first to inspire them to do it. Men and women will never marry until they see first and foremost it benefits them to do so. If women develop a gentle and quiet spirit, men will find them attractive. For Men always love that which is inherently lovely. For men, honorable behavior will make you worthy of esteem and respect. For women always appreciate and value a gentleman. God always refines the character of his children in order that they may inherit such blessings. Be diligent in making yourself a blessing to others and you won’t find yourself single for very long.
Principle 2- Finding the Right Person
It takes two to make a marriage work, but only one to screw it up. So it’s imperative that you not only be the right person but that you also find the right person for your relationship. For your marriage to work, your spouse must be as equally righteous as you are. Otherwise, have a blessed marriage is very difficult. Marriage to the wrong person can be a greater misery than even singleness! A Christian single can avoid this pitfall by resolving never to marry a pagan. The Bible commands believers never to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. Yokes refer to the wooden cross members that would tie two animals together when they plough. If two vastly different animals were tied together they would fail to move in step with each other making forward progress more difficult rather than easier. No one will enjoy being tied to someone with vastly different values than them. Because of this, both Abraham and Isaac resolved never to get a spouse from the pagan Canaanite people that lived among them. They were only willing to get a wife from among their own people. If marrying someone from among their own people was not possible, they resolved simply to remain single. If two Christians marry, both will conform themselves to the Spirit of Jesus Christ. This unity will make a relationship a lot smoother. There is no such thing as Mr. or Mrs. Perfect; everyone is a sinner. However, I do believe there is such a thing as Mr. or Mrs. Right. God does make suitable spouses for everyone. Rebecca, Isaac’s future wife, was not perfect, but she was a very beautiful woman and the envy of all the men that lived around them. A person may have trouble when they marry, but trouble can vary greatly in degree depending upon who you do actually marry. Resolve only to marry someone who has the Spirit of the Lord and your marriage will be a lot smoother.
Principle 3- Keeping a Handle on your Hormones
Many people fall for relational traps simply because they cannot keep a handle on their hormones. Real love is not blind, but hormones truly are blind. Interest in satisfying one’s hormonal pleasure can make a person oblivious to their partner’s real character. The opposite sex can and will use your hormones against you to bait and trap you (Ecc 7:26). A person who let’s their hormones get the best of them become only too eager to settle and compromise. God is not against hormones. After all, He made them and called everything good. Yet Hormones should never trump righteousness. Love and hormones are not the same. Men’s craving for visual stimulation and sex are not the same thing as love. Women’s craving for affection & attention is not love. Because they fluctuate, Hormones alone have no staying power to sustain a long-term relationship. Success begins with controlling one’s hormones. Because men struggle with their eyes, they must possess self-control and temperance. Because women struggle with attention, women must possess modesty and propriety. Just like any fire, a person’s hormonal passions will subside if they are not continually fueled. Isaac being like any man who would be tempted with his eyes, made a point not to let his eyes get the best of him. He would not go back with Eleazar to the home of his Father’s family to select a wife (He would leave the selection process in the hands of God).
Principle 4- Entrusting the Process to God by Faith
Of course, preserving standards requires singles to be willing to filter out some potential mates. Singles will struggle with this if they do not trust God to provide for them even when they have to let a few people go. Many Women may feel if they do not dress to impress, they will be ignored and overlooked. They see men chasing the immodest woman and they fear being passed by. Men may feel if they do not chase the first attractive woman they see, other men will take them and they will miss out. All of these feelings are grounded on fears that God will not provide if they do not take the first opportunity that comes their way. They forget the real reason why anyone is able to find a spouse- God provides them as a gift! Always remember that Adam woke up to a wife! The process of courtship, the way of a man with a maiden, is always a bit of a mystery. In making selections, Men and Women always choose those who are written on their heart by God. No matter how hard a person tries if someone does not find you attractive you will never have them (Hos 2:10). As a person stops trying so hard, their spouse shows up before they know it. Because these things are true, it is said ‘a prudent wife is from the Lord.’ One can never lose the gift God gives. Isaac well understood this principle and He leaves the selection up to God and not himself. He does not try to manipulate the situation; He does not go to get a wife himself and He releases the oath from his servant should the woman be unwilling. He also does not settle. If the Rebecca is not willing, she still will not go back to take a Canaanite wife. All of these actions, are Abraham’s and Isaac’s faith in action. Christians who wish to be blessed like the patriarchs must also be willing to trust God to hold out for Mr. or Mrs. Right.
Principle 5- Know their Fruit (Knowing them by what they do)
Because a Christian single can trust God to take care of them, they should not be afraid to test someone for fear they will not work out. A person will never be able to change a spouse themselves; so it is important to watch out what they produce beforehand. People are always on their best behavior when they are trying to market themselves in dating and they will often not honestly disclose their shortcomings in such situations. In Dating and internet chat rooms people can easily control the flow of such information. A person can only observe a potential spouse’s real character through their actions and what they do. Jesus said a tree is always recognized by it’s fruit. The Best place to observe such behavior is at a distance when your potential spouse does not know you are watching. Ask God for insight and He will give it to you about a person (trust him on this). If this person is from God, they will not fail the test. In looking for Isaac’s wife, Eleazar prayed for insight from God on the matter. He sat near the well where women would come to draw water. He tested her by asking her for a drink of water. He wanted to see if Rebecca would notice that his camels were also thirsty and would offer of her own free will to draw water for them as well. He wanted to know if she was naturally thoughtful. After passing the first test, He asks her what family she is from and she again passes. He also did not tell her of his intentions beforehand as a means of influencing this choice. Having passed all of his requirements, Eleazar praises the Lord for all the success he has experienced.
Principle 6- Show your Fruit (Being Transparent with others)
Not only should a Christian watch the fruit of potential mates, they should also be very straightforward about their own. This means being yourself with everyone; it is the honest Christian thing to do. Do not try to be something you are not to win a spouse (you will never truly feel loved if you don’t). Do not manipulate the hormones of another in order to win such a spouse (it’s not honorable or loving to do so). If you are considering a spouse, lay all your cards on the table. If you a single man and you have feelings for a lady, let her know where you intend to take the relationship. If you are a single woman and a potential suitor is showing interest, let him know that you wish to fully know his intentions regarding marriage. Don’t allow people to sit on the fence and play with your heart strings. The sooner you take responsibility for who you are, the quicker a potential mate comes in making a decision about you. Don’t let people who want benefits without responsibilities waste your time. People who do not wish to commit do not love and are only interested in using people. The sooner you determine this about a potential mate the better. Once Isaac’s servant determines Rebecca is the right woman for Him. He refuses to sit down and eat with the family until He first let’s them know of his intentions. He fully discloses everything they need to know to make a well informed decision. He makes them come to a decision before He will even sit down to eat with them. The right person will be willing to accept your terms and conditions.
Principle 7- Persevere that you might inherit the promise
If you apply the above six principles above they will keep a Christian single from making a relational mistake. They will also allow God room to bless you as Isaac was blessed. Scripture says that all people on earth would be blessed through their example. When the proper foundation has been set, everything else including hormones falls directly into place. God’s angel will go before you just as readily as He did for Isaac. Doing it right actually brings relief and not grief. Isaac was greatly comforted after his marriage. Rebecca was admired for her beauty and envied by all the males this couple encountered. They told people that they were brother and sister in the hopes that Isaac would not be killed for having such a great wife. This is not the worst of problems to have. Forty plus years into their marriage they were caught intimately caressing each other. Do what Isaac did and you will get what Isaac got.
No comments:
Post a Comment