Girl Next Door- Why the grass is not greener on the other side.

Men have a bad habit of letting their eyes wander around to the girl next door; a woman that rightfully belongs to someone else. God tells them not to cover thy neighbor’s wife and yet they do it all the same. Why do men do this? I think the short answer would be that men are not happy with what they have and they think what others have is somehow better. Men are deluded because they only look at the surface of things. When they do this, they fail to see two crucial things. First, they fall for the façade that all women project to men (that is actually not real). Second, they fail to see the potential in the woman God has already given him. Men to often dwell on what is and fail to see the potential of what could be.

Why Familiarity breeds contempt with people

Why are people given to coveting things around them? (Jer 8:10). When men are looking for their ideal woman, they are actually chasing an image in their head. The Bible labels all coveting as a form of Idolatry. In it’s most basic sense, Idolatry means to serve an image. When a man first dates a woman, they are not really in love with the woman. They are in love with the fantasy in their head. They project that fantasy on to the woman they are dating and think it is the woman they are really in love with. Of course, every woman has a real personality with flaws. Those flaws always become evident with time. As two people get closer, they will only begin to see each other for who they really are. This is why counselors advise couples to get to know the other person before they get married; they advise young couples to take things slow. Give time for the honey moon phase to pop. As the personality of the real woman comes into focus, the facade eventually clears. Reality smacks us in the face; the rose-colored glasses come off. In those moments, many find their spouse was not really the person they first thought they were. They discover it was an image they loved and not the person at all. This disappointment can make a man come to despise his spouse. This Is Why Familiarity is said to breed contempt. There is a big difference between loving a dream and loving a real person.

Why the Girl Next door is not really any better.

Because of this disappointment, many people in their heart begin to look around thinking someone else might fit the bill. They are chasing a dream that does not exist. Of course, many are not convinced of this. Women’s concerted effort to look good only perpetuates the impression that everyone else’s life is somehow better than our own. Let’s face it; women dress to impress. When they go to church, they try to look their Sunday best. They put their best smile on to let everyone know they are doing well (even when things may not be going ok). None of this is real. Men need to recognize the facade for what it is- just a facade. As outsiders, men do not know what goes on behind closed doors. Men do not appreciate how much make-up had to be applied to create that face; how much perfume was used to mask that stench; what control top undergarments (or even Plastic surgery) were used to sculpt that figure. Men should intuitively know every woman farts, has bad hair days, and their fair share of morning breath. Of course, Men are not going to see any of this unless they are either related to or married to the woman. No woman is going to willingly allow outsiders to see any of that. Get to know the girl next door and a man would only find they are not really any better. The girl next door does not fit the bill anymore than your own spouse did. To a man chasing that ideal image of a woman, familiarity always breeds contempt. The dream remains a dream and nothing more.

Why Looking around at what others have is not the answer.

Looking around at what others have is not really the answer. Idolatry truly is a rat race; a gerbil wheel that will keep you spinning and only get you nowhere. Making a man long for what He doesn’t have is Satan’s perfect recipe for keeping someone discontent and hungry. It also tends to set your heart against your neighbor for what He rightfully has. This condition leaves a man with a terrible choice. Live a life of misery constantly craving for what others have or act on that desire by wrongfully taking what does not belong to him. In this manner, Satan does not permit someone rest until they do evil. Little do they know what they are in for should they act on those feelings. Those stupid enough to do so are only in for a world of hurt. Go to the other side, you would only ruin it and yourself in the process. Why chase something that would never really satisfy.

If you want your garden green, learn how to cultivate it.

Chasing one’s dreams is not the same thing as living them out. How does one turn a dream into a reality? Not by looking at what others have. Spend all your time looking at everyone else’s garden and you would only be neglecting your own. The grass only stays green where a person waters it. Neglect it and it will only dry up and die. If you want a green garden, you have to cultivate it yourself. Dreams always originate from within. So turning a dream into reality always begins with you. Your garden is what you make of it. Making your relationships into what you would want them to be starts with letting God show you how.