Divorce: Biblical Guidelines for when it’s permitted

People ask all the time if and when does God allow Divorce.  To understand these guidelines one must first understand the Spirit behind God’s Law.  All the commandments God gives are rooted in loving Him and others as their basis.  A command to love someone is not considered legalistic.  It’s simply the right thing to do.  As a general rule, God hates divorce.  He hates it because it is inherently unloving.  Divorce is not the highest way but it can be a necessity in some cases.  There are even cases where God divorces others from himself.  Actions for which God knows are necessary but for which He takes no pleasure in.  These special cases arise because relationships really are a two way street.  We are only responsible for our own personal actions in them.  Can two walk together, unless they are agreed? (Amos 3:3).  If it is possible, as much depends on you, live peaceably with all men (Rom 12:18).  God will hold you accountable for your own actions; for what you have in your power to perform.  God will not hold you accountable for the actions of others; actions for which you have no control.  Everyone will die for their own sin.  Given these overarching principles, the circumstances for which divorce is permitted or not are outlined below.  
 

Circumstance 1: In marriage with a believer, the loving thing is to remain committed.

As far as it depends upon you, God would require you to do the loving thing.  God does not force anyone to marry or be in a relationship.  However, if you do enter a relationship God would expect you to be committed and keep your vows.  Married believers are commanded to abide with their spouses who are on the up and up.  If they are sincere with you, be sincere with them.  The Bible makes no exemptions for relationships lacking a marriage license like we do; a relationship is a relationship; the loving thing is always to be committed.  According to the law of Moses, Men who sleep with a virgin outside matrimony cannot divorce such women.  They are expected to follow through with what they start.  It is unloving to only take advantage of a woman and not pay the bride price. Would not the loving thing be to follow through with what you start? The Bible also makes no exemptions for relationships that have failed to consummate like we do.   If you were betrothed, you were considered married.  Just think of Mary and Joseph who had no sexual relations and yet were considered married.  The loving thing to do is stay faithful to that person you gave your word to.  It is unloving to break your word to someone.   Couples who were merely betrothed were required to divorce for separation.  Anyone who slept with a betrothed woman was stoned for adultery.  In any relationship, the loving thing is to remain devoted and faithful (This is not legalism, but simply the loving thing to do).  God himself remains loyal and faithful to those who follow him.  He would want us to be the same, as far as it depends upon us.  If a couple is apart, the loving thing is to remain faithful and eventually reconcile with your spouse.  You commit adultery if you separate and marry another.  Whoever is responsible for the action of the separation commits adultery.  We are to remain faithful to God in our relationship.  God is faithful to us even when we are estranged from him.  It is in the dark times of our relationship that we are to remain steadfast in our love for our spouse.  The dark times are what really prove our love as genuine and unconditional.

Circumstance 2: In marriage with an unbeliever, the loving thing is to attempt to remain committed.

The verbage 'but to the rest'  in I Cor 7:12-14 puts the unequally yoked marriage(the marriage of an unbeliever to a believer) in a separate category.  The distinction between Paul's guidance and God's command implies a difference.    These differences really arise because of the actions of your partner, not you.  As far as it depends upon you, one should strive to always do the right thing.  Nevertheless, relationships are a two way street and depend on more than just our own actions.  How a believer is to respond really depends upon the actions of their partner.  The partner may be willing, unwilling, or just wanting to play games in the marriage.  What a believer can do from a biblical perspective is outlined below as follows:

• ·         Decision 1: If the Unbeliever is willing to stay in the marriage

  The Loving thing is to stay committed to the willing unbeliever.     Ruth exemplifies how it is loving to adopt the willing heathen into the fold.  God shows himself faithful to the faithful.  Marriage always sanctifies a person.  If the unbeliever is willing to work on their character, then the believer should be willing to work with them.  God does not turn away anyone who honestly seeks him out.  God would want us to welcome the marriage partner who would want to stay with us.

• ·         Decision 2:  If the Unbeliever is unwilling to stay in the marriage

The loving thing is also to let go of the unwilling unbeliever.  God hates divorce but He does sanction it when someone’s heart is hard.  God takes no pleasure in the death of people and yet He allows people to die all the time.  If people want nothing to do with you, it is not loving to try to coerce them to stay with you.  A believer is not in bondage to the marriage when the unbeliever departs.   The Law of Moses permits the Husband to let go of the captive wife.  God himself lets go of the unwilling unbeliever.  If we deny him, He will also deny us.  So God gives people up to what their heart desires, if their heart is not for him. 

• ·         Decision 3: If the Unbeliever is willing to stay in the marriage but unfaithful to their commitment or to God.

The Believer is permitted to divorce the unfaithful unbeliever.   In cases of sexual immorality, does divorce and remarriage does not constitute adultery.    The Bible also requires marriage partners to live up to their relational expectations.  The Bible has recorded where the nation of Israel legally divorced their wives in mass before (Ezra 10:3, Ezra 10:11).  God himself encourages Abraham to send Hagar on her way.  Love does not delight in Evil, but rejoices with the truth.  God shows himself shrewd with the devious person.   If you are neither cold or hot, God will vomit you out himself.  If you are willing to stay but unwilling to play straight, God will make the divorce decision for you. Most people are unaware that God actually promises to bless those who divorce for the right reasons- his name sake!   

To summarize, the loving thing is always to remain committed as far as it depends upon you.  Divorce only becomes necessary when your spouse either does not want to continue in the relationship or does not want to faithfully fulfill their part of the deal.  

Related Links:
Sexual Immorality: Cannot Drag to Heaven. Be Washed to be Saved
Why Should I avoid Sexual Immorality?
Remarriage- Biblical Guidelines for when it it permitted
Sexual Temptation:why fight the feeling?  
Lust & Love, the Contrasts Defined
How to Fix your Marriage- The Biblical Way
Nudity, Foreplay Sex: Only in the Marriage Bed do they Make Love
Affairs, Infidelity: You cannot find love with a cheat
Adultery, Fornication: Outside the Marriage Bed you only get Screwed
Rape, Sexual Violence, & Abuse: Why Brute Force it when there is a better way? 
Prostitution, Harlotry: You cannot buy Real Love  
Pornography & Erotica: Only Breed Envy