Affairs, Infidelity: You can’t find Real love with a Cheat

Wisdom should keep everyone from adultery.  Real love can never really be found with a cheat.   Many adulterers and adulteresses may feign love and promise satisfaction, but all their overtures are really driven by self-interest.  Understanding where the road leads when it comes to extramarital affairs is critical for making good decisions at the outset.  So lets spell out the consequences:                                                                                      

Reason 1: An extramarital affair will always leave a bitter taste in your mouth.

Anticipating a person’s course of action always begins with first understanding their motives.  There are lots of reasons why people cheat.  None of which are good for you.  The adulteress may feel underappreciated, neglected, or ignored from her husband.  Some Men may feel undersexed or disrespected.  Such feelings usually bring the worst out in them.  The Bible calls these people bitter and bitter people never make good lovers.  If they are not happy, rest assured you will not be happy with them. Do you really want to inherit all this emotional baggage?  Can someone with a void to fill really fulfill your needs the way you want?  If a spouse cannot keep them from being restless and bored, what makes you think you will do a better job? If their demands are greater than one person to fill, how will you alone make them happy?  If their expectations are unrealistic, how do you really expect to satisfy them?  They may prefer the intensity that comes with a new fresh relationship over developing intimacy with an old familiar partner.  I would not let that preference go to your head.   Every relationship turns old in time. You would only be next on the chopping block.   If they are avoiding intimacy, they won’t be close with you either. If they are seeking variety, it’s only a matter of time before they look again for something new.    If self-gratification is what drives them, then loving you will not really be their focus.  If they are only seeking an escape from their problem, will they not bail out on you when it gets too tough?  Do they really love you if they only sleep with you to get back at their partner? Do you really want to play second fiddle to a spouse?  If a spouse stays away from a cheat, did it ever occur to you there may be a good reason for it?  If they have one vice (adultery) they may likely have more.  If they just can’t get enough sex, what makes you think they will be satisfied with you?  If they just lack will power what keeps you from losing them as well? If they have cheated once with you, the precedent is set to cheat again.  All of these reasons can make Life with a cheat very unpleasant and painful.  In the end, they would leave you with a bad taste in your mouth.  It’s not a matter of if, only when.  So why start the game?  

Reason 2:  No honor can be found among thieves.

You cannot build genuine love and intimacy with someone who cannot be trusted.  Witnessing the very intent for infidelity alone should be a red flag to anyone.  It reveals the true nature of a person before an affair even starts.   Do not ignore this warning sign.  Scripture says that the adulteress is a two edged sword.  In other words, she will cut both ways.  Bitter women are not selective in the men they hate.  To them, you are all the same.  If she hates her husband, she will hate you. Feeling sorry for oneself can make a person very selfish.  Unrealistic expectations may even make her feel justified in hurting him.  If she has no regard for her husband, she will have no regard for you.  How she treats him, she will treat you.  Cats don’t change their stripes; people rarely reform their character. If a man cannot be faithful to his wife, what makes you think He will be faithful to you?  If they lack real intimacy with their loyal spouse, what makes you think they will establish trust with another cheat? There is no honor among thieves.  If they demonstrate themselves to be disloyal with a spouse, what makes you think they will be loyal to you?   Do not do business with a cheat and you will not be cheated.  Try to Manipulate and you will be manipulated.  Exploit and you will be exploited.  People need to understand that doing the right thing is not just good for everyone else.  Righteousness will also protect you from harm if you follow it.

Reason 3: Adulterers have a death wish and will make your life a living hell.

The very same self-centered lust that starts an affair is usually what destroys it in the end.  Relationships based on lust rather than love does not last.   You have a death wish if you enter into a relationship with someone that cannot be trusted.  True character can always be identified by deeds.  You cannot be satisfied without real love.  You cannot foster real love without someone treating you right.  Heed the red flags.  Hurting people like to hurt people.  Either they will vent their aggravation out on you because you represent the opposite sex or they will use you to get back at their spouse.  They may very well derive pleasure from seeing their partner’s jealousy aroused; from seeing them kick your butt for cheating with them.   Would you really only want to be a means to that end?  The Affair can only be unstable at best.  It will waste your time and money. It will make you lose your dignity and respect.  Betrayal causes immense pain; a pain that will make it hard for you to see straight.  Adultery will make your life a living hell in the end.   Look for trouble and you will find it.   It will ruin you if you pursue it.  So don’t make sex your God.  Do not let your hormones trump doing what is right.  Good guys may finish last but God always allows them to finish on top.  Keeping God’s commandments will keep you from such trouble.  

Appeal 1:  Don’t be a sucker for lip service or a pretty face.

Of course, the trajectory every affair takes is never apparent to people only looking at the surface of things.  The adulterer/adulteress will never outline their motives for you as I have done. They will try to convince you otherwise.   They are never what they seem to be.  They want your heart in their hand.  The only way to get you to do what they want is to make you want to do it.  So their aim will be to get under your skin using sex and flattery.  They need to capture your heart to take advantage of you.   So they will tell you what you want to hear.  The adulterer will tell you how much he loves you over his spouse.  She will tell you how special you are to her.   The Bible says the adulteress is a sweet talker; she is a smooth talker.  All Charm is deceptive and is not what it seems. They do this with the motive to prey upon your life; to profit at your expense.   So don’t let it go to your head.  Don’t buy into the pick-up lines; they are just words anybody can say. They are words adulterers know you may fall for; words you will emotionally want to be true.  Do not fall for lip service.  Don’t be a sucker for a pretty face.   You can always tell what they really think by observing what they do.  Actions should speak louder to you than words. If they will break faith with their spouse to get what they want, they will apply the same strategy with you. Situational awareness should keep you from being tempted by the allurement.  Everyone has hormones.  You want to safeguard these feelings from people who would try to manipulate them.  This is why the Bible says to flee from sexual immorality.  Run before your hormones get the best of you and blind you to the circumstances.   Run while you are ahead of the game.  Staying away from cheats altogether is the best possible way to insulate oneself from being aroused or tempted.  Linger with such people and you will only make it hard on yourself.   Play with fire and you will eventually get burned.

Reason 4: There is always a better way

There is no need to lust after the adulterer or the adulteress. What do people really seek after in an affair anyway?  Is it not to find someone who will meet all your sexual needs?  Is it not to find someone who accepts you for who you really are?  Is it not to have the freedom to love and be loved at a stress free pace without pressure or strings attached?  Only a committed loving partner will do this.  Is not a Godly marriage supposed to do this?  If they are and you don’t have this, why not direct your energy into fixing your relationship with that person?  Cultivate your own garden and it will bear the desired fruit.  Attend to who you have, take care of them, and you will have the relationship you crave.   Why seek out the counterfeit instead?  Why subject yourself to those who would only feign such feelings to exploit you?  Why allow someone to just play with your heartstrings only to ruin what you have?  If you are single, please know there are plenty of fish in the sea.  Why not strive for the real deal?  Trust in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.  He can place you in a relationship with someone who will seek your good and not your harm.  God’s ways are always the highest ways.

Related Links:
Sexual Immorality: Cannot Drag to Heaven. Be Washed to be Saved
Why Should I avoid Sexual Immorality?
How to Fix your Marriage- The Biblical Way 
Nudity, Foreplay Sex: Only in the Marriage Bed do they Make Love
Divorce-Biblical Guidelines for when it's permitted 
Pornography & Erotica: Only Breed Envy
Masturbation: What can be more Selfish?
Why Porn can't Spice up your Sex Life: Life imitates Art
Promiscuity, Orgies, & Polygamy: Only Raise Costs not Benefits
Flirtation, Seduction, & Innuendo: Only a Fool's Errand
Voyeurism, Peeping, Staring: Not only Breeds Envy but Shame
Sexually Transmitted Diseases: Do you have to learn the Hard Way?